im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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