Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You left your phone here
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