I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
