right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
