Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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