matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
