Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
