..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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