I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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