is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
