If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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