so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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