Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
