she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
