My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
