I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
