Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
