there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
