smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
