Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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