Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
