Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Semen is not good for contacts.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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