It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
