So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
