We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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