he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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