As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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