I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
