god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
