Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Actions speak louder than pants.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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