I puked a lego.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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