and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
