At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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