you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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