I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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