my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
