Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
