there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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