M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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