I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She even gives head with a lisp.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
