When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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