i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How does one acquire holy water?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
