What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
