Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
