Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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