I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
