I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
