We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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