I just saw a hot homeless man
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
