sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
