Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
